Wake Up Call

Lets start this off by saying that I really didn't think I would continue blogging. I mean its now 13 May and I see that my last post was somewhere in February. but circumstances being what they are, I sort of need a place to talk. My husband is amazing, but he can only hear me question or worry for so long before he mentally checks out.

So like every normal pregnant lady at 28 weeks I went in for my glucose test.

... and failed the 1 hour test... then proceeded to bawl over it.

I couldn't get back in to the labs (we went camping, then family came into town) till yesterday. I did the 3 hour test.... and failed again.

... looks like I have Gestational Diabetes.

Because my numbers are all over the place (apparently, i'm only going by what my husband says.) I don't have to take medication, but i do have to test 4-5 times a day.

I thought, Okay, i can handle this.

I go into the pharmacy today to pick up everything... HOLY FUCK! I got a big old grocery bag, 8 boxes, and a smile from the tech when my response was "holy fuck balls, this is a lot".

3 boxes of lancets (the things you poke your finger with)
3 boxes of test strips (the thing you put your blood on)
1 box of alcohol wipes (to clean the finger)
1 reader thingy.

I laid it all out on our dining room table... and didn't look at it again till after B came home. After fighting with the machine, getting that set up, 2 test strips, 2 lancets, and some wipes later we finally got it figured out. 

have i mentioned how overwhelming this all is?

Lets all just call a spade a spade, emotions during pregnancy are fucked. Fucked right in the ear. So that being what it is, I feel like I've failed this pregnancy, that I've failed my baby, that my body just can't do it. 

And yes, i know that there are woman who have far worse pregnancies than I've had. and until now i really have had zero complaints. But I tried to prep my body as best as i could before getting pregnant. I got myself off all the hardcore headache meds, or to the point where i could stop them if necessary . I lost almost 30lbs. I eat healthier, I take my vitamins, etc. 

I haven't gained more then 10lbs this pregnancy. I don't eat a lot of junk. I take care of myself. I did pull back on my work outs (the lady bits pressure was to much to take), but I still considered myself healthy. I really did try. 

I guess I should take this as the wake up call it was meant to be. That no matter how much you try to plan or sort things out the universe has a different idea. 

I'm taking today to be sad about it. and then tomorrow. i'll wake up, test, find myself a cute notebook to track my meals and my glucose test numbers, some cute pens (theres always room for new pens), and move on.